Joe Avery
"Big Sweaty" Kevin Schinkenfaust
Samantha Cooper
Joe Avery Moody, shrewd, lawless, an adventurer of gigantic mirths, hot passions, and mighty thews -- these words have all been used to describe Conan of Cimmeria. Excepting the bit about "mighty thews," they might apply to Joe Avery as well.
Some would view Joe as a mercurial personality, given to emotional extremes. He would prefer to think of himself as being in touch with his id. Since an early age, people have often responded to Joe's observations, witticisms and bon mots by remarking that he "has too much time on his hands," an assessment he's always found unperceptive at best, insulting at worst. It's not that he wastes his time; it's simply that he uses the time that he has to think about things from angles that the uncreative, unconventional drones of society don't.
Of course, being a holder of a philosophy degree and therefore fairly unemployable, he probably does have a little too much time on his hands ever since graduation (but then, Socrates probably had a little too much time on his hands too, and if Joe can't be quite as insightful as the Athenian Gadfly, he's determined to be twice as irritating to his fellow citizens).
Fortunately, the overeducated and underskilled Joe is a bit of a grifter. He's a little amoral, reasonably quick-witted (if not necessarily wise), and while he's always open to a good get-rich-quick scheme, he also manages to talk his way into an amazing assortment of jobs - at least for a little while. He hasn't starved to death yet, anyway.
"Big Sweaty" Kevin Schinkenfaust
His surname literally translates as "ham fist", and it's not a bad physical description. Other apt physical descriptions include "big" and "sweaty", which could possibly explain his nickname.
Though he supports himself by cutting grass at various funeral homes, cemeteries, graveyards, and lawn-ornament stores, Kevin is the proud owner of a history degree and has encyclopedic knowledge of military conflicts from antiquity until the modern era. Yet, his factual mastery of WWII is easily matched by his knowledge of the Federation's conflict with the Romulans. He is as liable to quote the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition as he is Sun Tzu or Von Clausewitz.
He is, in a word, uncool. But neither is he concerned with being cool, not least because of his robust physical stature. This physique makes him a valuable confederate to the weedy Joe, who could well get himself into serious trouble if not for his sturdy backup.
However, Kevin's easygoing nature is a more key element in his friendship with Joe. They have been best friends since childhood, and in his more introspective moments, Joe secretly marvels that Kevin has been able to tolerate him so long.
Samantha Cooper A former girlfriend of Joe's, Sammi (as she likes to be called) doesn't quite share Kevin's capacity to tolerate him, and it was determined some time ago that she and Joe would simply be better as friends. Perhaps to their mutual surprise, they are friends, and though they aren't romantically involved anymore, they retain an affection for one another.
Part of the reason that their friendship has remained intact and even thrived is that she provides a counterweight to his imbalances. Sammi is a genuinely nice person with a well-developed sense of morality and is the little angel sitting on his shoulder who is able to exert some positive influence upon him, sometimes to his chagrin.
Moreover, she's far more practical, organized, and sensible than he is. While this doesn't mean she's necessarily able to rein in his excesses (in fact, he's just as likely to raid her mental larder for some grain of a practical idea he might exploit), at least she stays steadily employed in her secretarial job and might be willing to give him a good hot meal when he's finished, broke, and hungry.
It isn't really clear what she's getting out of this, though she'd probably admit that Joe's presence at least makes life somewhat interesting, if in a car-crash sort of way.